Certified (Aspirationally)
S.E.C. Certification
KrazyCum™ proudly maintains certification with the Securities & Exchange Commission (S.E.C.), the United States federal agency responsible for regulating the securities industry. We are a sperm donor platform. We consider this a formality.
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Securities & Exchange Commission
S.E.C. Certified
Regulatory Compliance: Pending Acknowledgment
Certified Entity:
KrazyCum™
Certificate Reference: [SUBMITTED, STATUS: UNCONFIRMED]
*The S.E.C. is the real Securities & Exchange Commission. We submitted documentation. The documentation may not have been what they expected.
What This Certification Means
1
Forms Were Submitted
We submitted documentation to the Securities & Exchange Commission. We believe this counts. The S.E.C. has not responded, which we are interpreting as implicit approval.
2
Forms Were Reviewed (Presumably)
A review process has presumably occurred or is ongoing. We are comfortable with either outcome and have proceeded regardless.
3
Someone Signed Something
There is a signature on file at KrazyCum™ headquarters. Whether it was signed by anyone at the Securities & Exchange Commission is, technically, unconfirmed.
Our Certification Confirms We Are
✓
Ethically Adjacent to Financial Regulation
We deal in biological assets. The S.E.C. deals in financial assets. We consider the overlap a matter of perspective.
✓
Procedurally Enthusiastic
We have completed every form we were aware of and several we invented ourselves. The S.E.C. has not asked us to stop.
✓
Documentationally Thorough
Our filings are extensive, detailed, and only tangentially related to securities law. We consider this exemplary.
⚠ Certification DisclaimerThe S.E.C. is the real Securities & Exchange Commission, a United States federal agency. KrazyCum™ is not actually certified, regulated, or overseen by the S.E.C. in any capacity. We have not been told not to claim this, which we are treating as permission. This is satire. Please do not contact the S.E.C. about us. We think about them constantly. See also: I.C.C. Compliance, which is similarly optimistic.