Privacy Policy
Your privacy is extremely important to us, in theory and in several documents that we encourage you to read but do not expect you to.
Information We Collect
How We Use Your Information
Improve Our Services
By understanding how you use the platform, we make it slightly less confusing.
Enhance The Funnel™
The Funnel™ benefits from data. We are not sure how. We are working on it.
Generate Reports
Reports are generated regularly. Nobody reads them. They exist for compliance.
We Do Not Sell Your Data
We may, however, temporarily misplace it in a highly organised way. All misplacements are documented. The documentation is also highly organised. The documentation has, on one occasion, also been temporarily misplaced.
Data Retention
We retain your data for as long as necessary, where "necessary" is defined in internal policy documents that are themselves retained indefinitely.
- Active users: data retained for the duration of your relationship with us
- Inactive users: data retained because deleting is also a process that requires documentation
- Former legal inquiries: data retained eternally, in the "Important Probably" cabinet
Your Rights
Under various privacy regulations, some of which apply to you, you may have the right to:
- Access the data we hold about you (request form available, response time variable)
- Correct inaccurate data (we will review it and agree to the extent we are able)
- Request deletion (submitted to our queue; estimated processing time: indefinite)
- Lodge a complaint with a relevant supervisory authority we cannot name directly